I don’t mean to write about you again,
it’s been awhile since I’ve let myself sleep next to your ghost.
I wonder if the shadows you left me with ever want to run away
when I fill these flower vases with tears.
salt isn’t any good for flowers, ya know?
but where else can I put all of this regret?
I haven’t learned how to place the napkin in my lap
or keep my elbows off the table
when my tears make a mess of dinner.
almost six years ago you kissed my neck in a dark room
and asked if I was sure, if I was ready.
I remember looking up at a painted cherry blossom tree
with twinkling lights the night you told me you loved me.
I had sex with someone ten months after we broke up.
I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know what to say
when he asked me to wake him up before I left for work
so he could send me on my way with a kiss.
I didn’t sleep that night.
I turned my alarm off a minute before it lit the room
and left him sleeping in my bed without a goodbye.
I stopped at a gas station on the way to work,
5am never looked so comforting.
I bought a light blue lighter
and I could have swore I heard you laughing in my backseat.
I never wanted to write about you, not this way.
my best friend told me you’d be proud of me, of who I’ve become.
my sister in law asked me if I had an eating disorder.
I don’t. It’s just hard to explain that words feed me better,
that I eat cake for breakfast and drink sweet tea at midnight.
maybe I spend my money on red lipstick instead of carbs and protein
but the collar bones came to play the day
I realized I don’t know how to be….me.
I don’t know how to respond when someone tells me I’m beautiful.
I never wanted to be the woman who wrote about heartache.
I never wanted to stare at the ceiling at 1am
talking to you in metaphors you’ll never hear.
I just wanted someone to understand
— I don’t think Sunday is my best look-dah (via whisperingbones)
"Homophobia: The fear that another man will treat you like you treat women." ~ (unattributed)
Nothing but the truth
Gods & Monsters - Lana Del Rey
In case you were having a bad day…..
I WANT THEM ALL!!!! I know you do too Christine!
Omg, Steph…I want all of them!!!!!